This post is inspired by a simple conversation with a Twitter user. He asked me to teach him some extra stuff that will see him succeed immensely and gain huge ROI from Twitter. I jokingly asked if he has ever engaged in a Twitter Fight and if yes, what was the after effect. Alas! He neither knew what a Twitter Fight was nor had he had the golden opportunity of participating in one. There are many like him and hence this post. Remember to dedicate your World Heavyweight Championship to us should your engage in a Twitter Fight after reading this post.

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A quick rush at spewing hate laced tweets comes readily to mind to those that are absolutely subscribed to twitter fights. The audience cheers them on happily, after all, what is Twitter without the excitement that comes when two people yield to their already over-sized egos just to have the last hurtful word. They initially reach out for each others jugular and when they feel they are giving the opponent unnecessary advert, then comes the all usual #Sub technique. The Vextrons and Voltrons are leading the cheerleader pack and without argument, Qwerty Thuggery is unleashed.

Wait, I guess that I am getting carried away. What is Twitter Fight? What is Sub? Who is a Vextron? Who is a Voltron? What on earth is Qwerty Thuggery?

Explanation of terms:

Twitter Fight: To have a war of words with someone on Twitter. This is usually seen when two folks have differing opinions and none wants to give way to the other.

Sub: This is a shortening of the term “subliminal tweet” which is directly referring to a particular person without mentioning their twitter handle. This is usually used for negative or insulting tweets.

Vextron: The Twitter state of mind that a Twitter user unleashes if he/she feels that a particular subject is not worthy of attention. This involves using abusive words on the subject and most often making the subject an object of ridicule, scorn and mockery.

Voltron: A Twitter user that will go to any length to ensure that the Twitter celebrity’s effect of his/her “famzing” subject is maintained for a period.

Qwerty Thuggery: It means the same thing as Cyber-bullying which is an online harassment of other people, in a deliberate, repeated, and hostile manner. This act is usually seen in folks that are thug-like in real life. Throw in a device with a Qwerty keyboard and internet access, wisdom becomes history.

It is important to note that some Tweet Fights are also country specific. A great example is #SomeoneTellKenya vs #SomeoneTellNigeria.

Steps to Winning a Twitter Fight:

Choose your opponent wisely:

This is the most important step in winning a Twitter Fight. You should carefully and deliberately choose your opponent. You do not want to be seen as petty or as a bully. Smartly choose someone that you can out tweet and not stand the risk of being seen as a bully.

Predict your Return on Investment:

Do not waste your energy on tweet fights with zero ROI. What is the reward of a Twitter Fight when Followers, Retweets and Replies are not guaranteed. You should make informed decision. After all, he that fails to plan has already planned to fail.

Defend your stance using accurate grammar:

The easiest thing your opponent will do is to mock your wrong usage of grammar. Now, you do not want to see that happen. Edit your tweet before clicking that send button. Vigorously defend your stance even when it seems you are losing, come up with weird and bizarre facts that will put you in the lead.

Be the first to apologize and extend a hand of friendship:

If you see that the victory cannot come your way, take the smart route. Quickly accept that you are wrong and apologize. Now, this may sound like a defeatist approach but it is not. The audience will likely take the fight from you at this point as they will assume that you are a true sportsman. Any attempt to continue the fight by your opponent will be seen as pettiness and obsession from the audience.

Be the first to move unto the next one:

You are smirking with the cool feeling of winning your Twitter Fight. Do not stay at that comfort point. Quickly change your focus to some other thing that is not related to your earlier squabble. This shows that you are a a champion after all champions quickly move on to their next conquest while losers stay sulking.

Blossom Nnodim: Public Relations Actor. Niche Blogger at Focus: Social Good| Social Media| Social Technology